A deep surrender into life

A deep surrender into life

And here I am.
 

Dave and I call it the 3rd phase of our healing through stillbirth journey. Back in Cape Town after an important and long time in the Netherlands. Back to my roots. To the safety of my roots, and the healing of being in that safe womb-like space of my parents. The soil where I was born and raised. My home land.

 

Whilst writing this newsletter I am sitting in my small studio at home, waiting for my art therapy session to start and I feel vulnerable. Scared of the big unknown. Scared of what is to come. Because the biggest question of all after Jade’s death is: Who am I?

 

It’s like I don’t know anymore. I know I know, but I seem to have forgotten that I know. Or maybe, I have cracked open into such deep layers of my existence that I am literally discovering a new me. The me before was also me, but not completely. I really start to feel what many say: death means renewal, or rebirth. 


“It’s about truth
it’s about revealing yourself

and feeling comfortable

enough to be exposed”

– Author unknown

 

This healing journey is a big surrender into the unknown, and into life. It is an acceptance of having bad days and making mistakes (like my last newsletter, that was planned months ago and I forgot to cancel), of good days, of feeling disconnected and numb at times, of bursting into tears most randomly, of moments of panic and anxiety (although I must say that I am very thankful that these moments are getting less and less) of deep connection with source, and the divine feminine and masculine in me. 

If there is one thing that I know about how to more forward than it is this:
no expectations, no pressure, way less perfectionism, truth, body, touch, lots of breathes, pleasure, dance, write, write and write. Oh and even more body 🙂

 

I have decided that I am going to allow my messiness and the chaos. So I don’t know yet what is to come, what my offerings will be and when. Maybe I will decide that I feel like dancing and invite you along. Or that I want to share a Yin Yoga class or workshop, or women’s or couples work. I might want to dedicate a retreat day to our wombs. And I will definitely write. More truly on what I am coming across. About my grieving and healing process so I can rebirth along the way. So if that resonates with you, stay tuned!


I am thanking you,

for your love,

for your tears,

for being an ally on this crazy and beautiful ride on planet Earth.

 

I feel seen, heard and loved. 

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